Deadly silence and its hands-on cure Nags of the world, rejoice! A lot of you men out there may be thanking your lucky stars that you married a quiet sort of woman - one who keeps to herself and seems unflappable, even when you're at your most nerve-wracking. Yes, she's rock-solid. Yes, she spares you the harangue some of your buddies' wives wreak up on them. Yes, she's good for your heart... But are YOU good for hers? According to a recent ScienceDaily article, a Boston University-affiliated study of nearly 3000 married men and women concluded that women who keep their gripes, concerns, or negative feelings to themselves - who "suffer in silence" instead of airing things out with their spouses - actually risk dying at an alarmingly high rate compared to their hen-pecking peers. In fact, the research showed that these zip-lipped gals were FOUR TIMES more likely to die of all combined causes (disease, accidents, suicide, etc.) than the loudmouthed ladies. Puts you men in quite a position, doesn't it? If this long-term, large-scale study is right, you should be encouraging your mousy martyr to regularly read you the riot act if you want her to be as healthy and long-lived as she can be. But since that might put a damper on YOUR heart and mental health (not to mention likely increase your expenditures or household workload), what's a man to do? Well, some other research points to something that'll help - and it doesn't involve chores, spending more time at the shopping mall, or maxing out the credit cards on new clothes, shoes, and jewelry. I'll tell you what it is in a minute... But first, I want you to know what else this 10-year B.U. study revealed about marriage and health. According to their data (taking personality traits out of the equation), marital status had no measurable effect on women's likelihood of death. But for men, simply the state of being married - with all other things being equal - decreased mortality by approximately 50%! Hmmm. I thought the conventional wisdom was that men are the loners who need no one and nothing, and that women pine and wither when they're unattached. (I've never believed this, but a lot of old-schoolers do, right?) Looks like the gals, as usual, are a lot tougher than we think - and they don't need us for near as much as we may have thought. Perhaps, in fact, it's just the opposite! Oh, but back to that thing you can do to help soothe her inner turmoil... A touch of good medicine Fellas, remember the very first "touch with intent" you shared with a girl - that electric moment that sent your heart leaping so long ago? Chances are, it was the simple act of hand-holding that sent your endorphins flooding. Well, apparently, this simple contact is still big medicine even for those who are up in years, especially the ladies... According to a recent New York Times article, some modern research by University of Virginia and University of Wisconsin scientists showed a significant reduction in both emotional alarm and physical "fight or flight" responses among subject women whose hands were held by their husbands during brain scans under duress. Holding the hand of a stranger helped these tense women slightly, but significantly less than those of their familiar spouses. The research points yet again to the mysterious and intangible relationship between closeness (or couple-hood) on health and well-being. It's something we don't need science to tell those of us who are happily married... Bottom line: Hold her hand, whether she's visibly stressed out or not - especially if she's the silent type. She'll be healthier for it, and you might find it does you a world of good, too. Advocating hand-holding, not scolding, William Campbell Douglass II, MD | 
